Have you ever found yourself saying, “I wish I’d known that earlier?”

You’re not alone. Most of us have learned our biggest lesson the hard way, through experience and mistakes.

It’s a weird quirk of human nature. The areas that are the most crucial to happiness – like career and family – are where people seem the least likely to seek out skilled advice.

People will readily read travel books or go to a golf clinic to give themselves a leg up.  But when it comes to the big stuff, they’re often woefully ill-informed.

Here are three big mistakes that derail people and how to rectify them: 

1.  Not understanding the big picture of your job or industry

My friend is a writer. He’s worked on his craft, but he didn’t work on understanding his industry so he’s only achieved mid-level success.

It’s a classic mistake. People know their job, but they don’t understand the context within which their job exists. For example, how many teachers understand how their administrators or county offices operate, or even how their job gets funded? I was guilty of this early in my career. I understood sales, but didn’t fully understand how sales, marketing, manufacturing, and distribution all work together.

People who don’t understand the big picture have less effective relationships with their boss, they waste time on unimportant things, and they find their jobs less satisfying.

Ask yourself: Do I understand how money, customers and information move through this industry? If not, make it your business to learn.

2.   Not seeking professional relationship advice

There’s a bizarre, yet extremely common belief, that getting help with your marriage or kids is a sign of failure. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I don’t claim to be a perfect parent, but now that my kids are older and turning out pretty well, I take pride in the fact that I was a student of my craft. I read parenting books, attended lectures and studied successful parents because I wanted to be good at this job.    

Marriage was another story. My husband and I learned this one the hard way. We made it, but we both wish we’d become students of the institution earlier. That’s why we told both daughters that they’re getting a Harville Hendrix couples workshop for their engagement presents.

You wouldn’t want a surgeon who only got training after she made mistakes. The same thing applies to relationships. If you want to be successful, get the best training you can, and make sure you have regular follow-ups.

3.   Lack of self-knowledge

My friend became an accountant because his father told him that it was stable and that he would always have work. He does have work, a boring mid-level job that he hates. He’s a creative idea person, and his job is based on conformity.

I’m amazed at how little time our educational system spends on self-knowledge. 

Understanding your personality, skills and preferences is critical to creating a successful life. Trying to force a square peg into a round hole never works and it’s frustrating for both the peg and the hole. 

Take a Meyers Briggs or other personality test to better understand yourself, and learn how to leverage who you already are.

You don’t have to make the mistakes to learn the lessons. Wisdom doesn’t have to be hard won, but you do have to look for it. 

Houston, we have a problem.

It’s not as dramatic as an out of control space capsule hurtling towards death.

But it does cause many people to abort what could have been a successful mission.

It’s a business problem. It’s the disconnect between the word sales and the word salesperson. 

People love an organization with strong sales. Apple sold millions of iPhones; Build a Bear sells store loads of stuffed toys. Their customers and investors are on fire. When a company is doing well, people say, “Yay, sales are up!”

Yet when you add the word person to the word sales, it takes on a completely different connotation. Sales are positive, but a salesperson is often viewed negatively.

The sales profession is consistently ranked as one of the least trusted professions. The word salesperson, evokes image of a swarmy dishonest huckster, like the Music Man who sold a town non-existent instruments.

This perception begs the question: Why is increasing sales in the collective a positive thing, yet salespeople as individuals are often perceived negatively?

This disconnect causes big problems for individuals and organizations.

Here are two examples:

Philanthropic Failure

I work with several non-profits to help them increase donor revenue and volunteer engagement.

I frequently encounter people who are passionate about their cause, yet they’re uncomfortable “selling” it. It’s as if selling it somehow cheapens their message.

They’re emotionally invested and they often believe that the cause should sell itself.

Sadly, this perception ignores reality. Potential donors and volunteers are busy people with crowded lives; they have lots of causes competing for their time and money.

Failure to put forth an excellent “sales” effort results in worthy causes going unnoticed and underfunded. 

Entrepreneur Exhaustion 

One of my clients, Cali, articulated the issue many entrepreneur have with sales, saying, “If I’m honest, I’ll admit that I’ve always believed, as long as people know what I offer, the right people will come to me.”

It sounds good in theory, but again, it ignores reality. Cali’s firm provides training and consulting to improve workplace efficiency and personal happiness. Yet no matter how good her programs are, people aren’t going to get interested unless she reaches out to them personally to help them understand how they might benefit.

In other words she has to sell it.

People devote their time, money, and sometimes their entire lives, to creating a product or service, yet when it comes time to demonstrate the value to others, they hold back.

After coaching entrepreneurs, philanthropists, and business leaders I’ve identified three reasons people are weird about stepping into the role of salesperson:

- People are afraid to put themselves out there.

- They’ve been turned off by bad salespeople.

-  People perceive that it’s somehow cheating if you take the time to fine tune

your approach.    

Somewhere along the way people bought into the false belief that being intentionally persuasive cheapens your cause. But in the word of my colleague Keith Ferrazzi, “just because it’s intentional doesn’t mean it’s insincere.”

The act of selling is neither good nor bad. It’s like cooking; it’s something we do to make life work. You can do it poorly, riddled with anxiety, fear and a self serving-spirit.  Or you can do it skillfully with grace, finesse and a generous heart.

At the most basic level a salesperson is someone who is so passionate about their offering that they do everything they can to skillfully share the good news. And there’s nothing weird about that. 

But here’s another benefit: A compelling Noble Sales Purpose ™ makes a great sound bite for television.

Watch here as my client Explorys CEO Steve McHale describes their Noble Sales Purpose in a segment on CNBC.

Click Image to Watch

When Steve says, “Our purpose is to unlock the power of big data to improve healthcare for everyone.” he describing Explorys’s reason for being. We created that statement 6 months ago with the senior leadership team, and it’s been driving their business every since.

As the segment describes, Explorys has had explosive growth and attracted top talent.

Stephen McHale

It’s not without coincidence that CNBC chose to use the clip of Steve describing Explorys’ Noble Sales Purpose.

It’s compelling, it’s factual and it describes the impact they have on  their customers, and the world.

I’m proud to be working with Steve and the Team at Explorys.

What constitutes a great leader?

What if everything you thought you knew about compromise was wrong?

We’ve long been told that “good” people to meet in the middle.

Refusal to compromise is widely considered to be the root cause of political polarization, business battles, and divorce wars. 

But refusal to compromise isn’t actually the cause of these problems. It’s merely a symptom. The real problem, the root problem, is unwillingness to tolerate uncertainty.

Our collective unwillingness to tolerate uncertainty stifles creativity and it dumbs down every institution from business to marriage.

There are two components:

1.  Over-attachment to the literal

2.  Inability to articulate the conceptual

Over-attachment to the literal causes people to dumb down their agenda. It blinds them to creative options.

The inability to articulate the conceptual keeps people from understanding where the other side is coming from. It prevents them from giving voice to a common purpose.

For example, imagine a couple arguing about whether or not they can afford to send their son to a private college.

The wife says, “We should take out a second mortgage or use our retirement funds.” The husband says, “No way, a state school is fine.”

They’re both stuck on what they believe to be the best plan. They’re arguing over literal options.

Yet here’s what can happen if one person reframes the conversation from the literal to the conceptual. Imagine the husband saying, “What I really want is for our son to get a great education, and for us to enjoy our retirement.”

Now the conversation is about ideals and aspirations. Instead of arguing about specific yes or no options, the couple is more likely to talk about their hopes and dreams, for their son and for themselves. The conversation feels different because it is different.

They’ve begun using different neural pathways in their brains. They’re likely feeling more creative. Letting go of their attachment to their fixed plans, at least momentarily, enables them to explore new options. Articulating their larger more conceptual goals enables them to find a common purpose. They’re more likely to find better options, and they’re more likely to agree upon them.  

It’s a two-step process, let go of the literal; reframe around the conceptual. You don’t know where the final solution will come from, and that’s exactly the point. 

Traditional compromise shortchanges both sides because it’s based on a lit-

eral straight-line model. You give me this; I’ll give you that. I’m on the right side of the line; you’re on the left. We’ll meet in the middle. 

It sounds good in theory. But it doesn’t work because it keeps you stuck in the land of the known. Nothing new is produced, and both sides walk away with less than they desire.

Great solutions aren’t found in the middle ground; they’re discovered when people have the courage to pursue higher ground. 

Instead of a straight line, think of it like a triangle. The lower left and lower right cornersrepresent where you are today. The top, the apex, represents where you want to go.

The middle of the triangle, the space between the lines, is fraught with uncertainty. It’s where the messy work of collaboration is done.  

Einstein famously said, “We will not solve the problems of today with the level of thinking that created them.

You don’t create greatness by compromising in the middle ground. You create greatness by having the guts to wade through the unknown. The middle ground is safer, but seeking higher ground is worth the effort. 

All feedback is not valid. A big problem with feedback is that we often listen to the wrong sources.

For example, my friend Julie felt called to make handmade cards. 

From an early age she crafted masterpieces. She spent hours on each card; they were true works of art. By the time she got to college, her sorority sisters were so enamored of her cards they became a status symbol.

At the encouragement of her friends and family, she decided to exhibit her cards at a gift show. Her exquisite handcrafted masterpieces had a retail price of $10.00.

A well-known buyer for a major mass market retailer took her aside to give her some advice, “Honey,” he said, “You’re designing for a world that doesn’t exist.”

He told her that no one would ever pay $10.00 for a card. He said, “Your sorority sisters might like them; but you’ll never sell them to a retailer.”

She was crushed. He was a major buyer in the industry; if he didn’t think she could make it, he was probably right.

So she gave up her dream and became a social worker. But she continued to make cards for family and friends, who continued to rave about them, frame them and showcase them.

Then one day, 10 years after the show where she gave up her dream, a friend introduced her to a buyer at Neiman Marcus. Six months later her cards, now priced at $15.00 each, were being sold at Neiman Marcus stores in six major markets.

Apparently, the world where people pay double digits for fabulous handmade cards did exist. The traditional buyer just didn’t know about it.

So what’s the lesson here?

Persevere? Follow your heart? Ignore the critics?

Actually it’s a bigger lesson: Listen to the true experts.

My friend made the mistake many people do; she chose to listen to the wrong authority source.

She ignored the valid feedback, from the real experts, her potential market, the sorority girls who loved her cards. Yet she made life-altering decisions based on the feedback from someone who didn’t have knowledge of her market.

How many of us have done the same? 

We let a well-meaning (yet unknowledgeable) parent tell us that we’ll never make a living with our art, music, or web skills. Or a true expert gives us a critique and we ignore it.

Or the flip side, someone tells us we’re good, when in reality they have no knowledge of the subject.

One of the secrets of success is knowing which feedback to listen to, and which feedback to ignore.

Here are three litmus tests to determine whether your feedback-giver is a valid source:

1. Do they know the subject?
   They don’t have to be in a position of authority, but they do need to know the terrain. Someone who has read thousands of manuscripts is a better judge of your writing than your mom, sorry.    
2. Do they want someone to succeed?
   They don’t have to want you to succeed. But negative nellies, aren’t helpful to anyone. Casting agents may reject a lot of people but it’s because they’re looking for the one.    
3. Is it about you, or about them?
   One type of feedback that has no validity whatsoever is unsolicited feedback from people who love to hear themselves talk. People who critique your parenting in the grocery store fall into this category. 

Feedback can be helpful or crushing, choose your sources wisely.  

What was the best advice you got from your Mom?

Whose photo would you rather see on the news, the killer or the hero?

Should we be deconstructing the life of a murderer?

Or honoring the lives of the heroes?

In the aftermath of the Boston bombings many have suggested that the media attention paid to the killers is playing into their evil and that we should instead learn more about the lives of the heroes.

I disagree. It’s a false choice.

Here’s what would be the most helpful: A side-by-side comparison. I’d like to know why some young men in the crowd ran towards the victims, while two other young men planted bombs and ran away.

I’d like to know what their parents and extended families did differently. What were the differences in their friends, their schools, their churches?  How were they treated by their peers and the world at large? Did they watch different TV shows? What kinds of books and movies were they exposed to?

I want to know why two boys went down one path, while others, who lived in the same community chose differently.

To suggest that the killers’  behavior was solely the fault of their parents or religion ignores the complexity of human nature.

Human behavior is the result of millions of influences, from our first grade teacher to our DNA.

Why are some teens overweight? Is it fast food’s fault or is it the parents?  It’s all of it, fast food, their parents, their DNA, their family history, the home’s proximity to McDonalds, the product placement embedded in their video games, too much couch time, mega high schools where average kids can’t make the sports team, the bible study teacher bringing donuts, and the school (and their friends’ parents including me) who order cheap pizza every time a group of three or more teenagers gather in one place.

The two young men who committed the Boston bombings may have been violent evil literalist extremists. But they were violent evil literalist extremists who attended our public schools, and lived alongside our kids.

It’s not morbid curiosity that propels me to try to understand their lives. It’s a sincere desire to solve what is becoming a recurring event. 

Because let’s be honest here. These two aren’t the only young men who are killing people.

Newton.

Aurora.

Virginia Tech.

Columbine.

How much longer are we going to keep pretending that we don’t have a societal problem?

How many more young men are going to kill people before we’re willing to look at this holistically and start addressing all the root causes of this horrific problem?

I don’t have sons. I have two daughters. I’ve never had to say no to violent movies and video games. I’ve never had to explain that hands are not for hitting. Neither of my two girls ever picked up a stick and pretended it was a gun.

But yet my sweet gentle 20-year-old daughter was standing 200 feet from the bomb blast in Boston.

If she had made a different decision coming out of the subway, she could have been the Boston University student who died. As it was, she saw both the evil and the heroes.

My baby is fine. But a lot of others aren’t.

Nobody gives birth to a child hoping that one day they’ll be a killer.

Twenty something years ago several babies were born. Some of them wound up creating violence; others tried to save people from it. I want to know why.  

I have a ringside seat to the success and failures of others. As an executive coach, I share in the triumphs and challenges of my clients.

One of things I’m really good at is spotting patterns. There are distinct differences between the ways successful happy people approach life versus those who continually struggle.

Here are three things happy successful people do differently:

When a colleague gets promoted or a friend gets a new home, less successful people are jealous because they wish the prize had gone to them instead.  Successful people also feel jealous, but it’s a different kind of jealousy. Instead of negative envy, they feel what I call happy jealously. They’re happy for the other person, and they wish it had also happened to them too. The nuance is important.  

Less successful, less happy people tend to have a scarcity mentality. They believe there aren’t enough raises and new cars to go around. When someone else gets a prize, it means less for them. When a friend wins a trip to Europe, they’re more likely to get dejected, thinking, well what about me? Successful people respond differently. They’re jealous but instead of feeling left out, they ask themselves, “How can I make that happen for me? Rather than sitting on the side complaining, happy jealously motivates the successful happy people to take action.

2. They don’t get defensive about suggestions  

As a coach, my job is to help my clients get better results. My best clients welcome feedback and act upon it. Successful people view feedback through a lens of continual improvement. Less successful people have a different lens. They’re more likely to interpret a suggestion as a damning comprehensive negative judgment on their entire being.

For example, in a 30-minute coaching call with a successful happy person, we can cover 4 or 5 issues and they’ll walk away with ideas and techniques that they can implement immediately. With a defensive person, the results are much slower.

Instead of discussing how they can act upon the advice, they spend their time justifying and defending their current approach, even when it’s clearly not working. They wind up getting less help. Meanwhile, while they’re defending, the successful person has already implemented three things.

3. They analyze their mistakes    

Successful happy people don’t enjoy mistakes any more than anyone else. But one thing they do differently is they take the time to analyze their mistakes. Less successful people tend to either avoid thinking about mistakes, or they get mired in them. This comes from a place of fear and insecurity. Less successful less happy people don’t have the confidence that they can shape their destiny.They don’t like to face their mistakes because it feels hopeless.

Successful happy people know differently. They’re willing to wade through the painful process of unpacking their mistakes, so that they can handle things differently the next time. Ironically, less successful people’s unwillingness to analyze mistakes is what keeps them mired in them. Successful people analyze the mistake, learn from it and move on.

Look at the above list and ask yourself: What is preventing you from acting like this today?

You don’t need a good job, a great education, lots of money or the perfect family to start implementing these ideas. The faster you start acting like a happy successful person, the faster you’ll become one.

  ]]> http://www.mcleodandmore.com/3-things-successful-happy-people-do-differently/feed/ 1 http://www.mcleodandmore.com/the-biggest-mistakes-people-make-on-their-first-call/ http://www.mcleodandmore.com/the-biggest-mistakes-people-make-on-their-first-call/#comments Mon, 29 Apr 2013 09:00:31 +0000 admin http://www.mcleodandmore.com/?p=4053
Lisa discusses three big mistakes that people make on their first sales call.

I admit it; I’m a language junkie. I believe that words matter.

I was recently in a business situation that revealed how much our word choice can affect our relationships.

A major manufacturing company was choosing a consultant to help them revamp their sales strategy and develop their sales leadership team.

My firm was up against another consultant. I knew that the senior leadership team preferred the other guy.

His website used the metaphor of a hunter. He promised that he would help the company “hunt down” big sales. He even used a target and a rifle in his promotional materials to cement the hunter metaphor.

When I went in to make my presentation, I decided to be up front and honest. I said to the team, “I know the other consultant has promised to help you hunt down big sales. He’s going to teach you how to get customers in your sites, and go in for the kill.”

“I, on the other hand, use the language of Noble Purpose. I’m not going to help you hunt your customers: I’m going to help you connect with them. Instead of thinking about your customers as targets, we’re going to think about them as human beings.”

I could tell that the leadership team was starting to feel a bit sorry for me.  My competitor was the hunter; I was the wimpy one who talked about empathy and service.

Then I asked the question, “If your three biggest customers were sitting here in this room, who would they want you to choose?”

Would they want you to hire the consultant who refers to your customers as targets and wants to hunt them down for the kill? Or the consultant who tells you that your noble purpose is to improve your customers’ businesses?

I got the project.

The words we use to describe our relationships affects the way we approach them.

Referring to salespeople as hunters and customers as targets is commonplace in business, yet the metaphor has negative implications. Hunting is it about tracking, killing, and then generally, eating the target. That language creates an environment that says, we don’t serve customers; they serve us.

It may sound appealing, but research (my own and scads of other business studies) have documented that organizations who think of their customers as targets are less successful than organizations whose stated purpose is to make a difference in their customers’ lives. One 10-year study revealed that companies who strive to improve customers’ lives beat out their competitors by almost 400%

Metaphors matter. The same principles play out in our personal lives.

Imagine two  parents: one describes their job this way, “I need to control my  children to make sure they do what they’re supposed to.”

The other parent says, “I’m raising the future president.”

Which parent is going to put more thought into their conversations with their child? Who is going to be better able to marshal their energy to read a story or pay attention at the end of a long day?

Your internal talk track affects your external behavior. If you refer to your customers as targets, your boss as a scrooge, and your family as shackles to your freedom, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be very successful with any of them.

Your metaphors create the narrative of your life. Choose imagery that will help you show up with passion for the people who matter to you. 

We know who they are. They’re the people who have such charisma and persuasiveness that their ideas get supported, their programs get funded, and they immediately engage friends, customers and colleagues alike. 

What do they know that you don’t?

The answer might surprise you. We tend to believe that master persuaders are goal-oriented people who are intensely focused on getting their way.

Yet when I studied highly persuasive communicators and salespeople I discovered a surprising paradox. The most powerful and influential communicators are intensely focused on their purpose and they embrace uncertainty at the same time. 

Read that again. Master persuaders embrace purpose and uncertainty at the same time.

Here’s what I observed shadowing hundreds of top performing salespeople.

The most successful and persuasive salespeople – defined as those who drove the most revenue and had the best long-term relationships with their customers – had clear goals for their interactions, AND (this part is really important) they were also open to the idea that things might not play out the way they planned.

Here’s why this mindset works so well.

If these super persuaders had been just intensely focused on their purpose, they would strike people as arrogant or unyielding, and they would get less done. Instead, these powerful persuaders paradoxically welcome uncertainty, and it actually helps them. It enables them to stay flexible, and hold a space for other perspectives. 

Simultaneously embracing both purpose and uncertainty enables them to better engage colleagues and customers.

Here’s how you can apply the purpose and uncertainty mindset to a personal situation.

Imagine that you want to persuade your spouse to take a fabulous vacation. You come to the conversation prepared with all the reasons why – You’ll relax, you’ll see a new place, have umbrella drinks, etc.

But what happens if you enthusiastically lay out the details determined to close the deal?

Your spouse may be so taken with your fabulous idea that they immediately agree. Or they might feel railroaded. 

Either way, it’s chancy. If they agree, it will be your plan, not our plan. If anything goes wrong, it’s on you.

If your spouse feels railroaded, he or she will put up obstacles. Often it’s not an obstacle to your plan; their rejection of your idea may be a reflexive emotion to feeling like they had no voice.

Newton’s Law of Motion says that to every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction.

You’ve probably seen situations where someone is overly attached to having things go their way.  People respond by disengaging or resisting.

Master persuaders approach their interactions differently.  They have a plan and they’re also flexible. They mentally hold a space, for the other person’s perspective. They’re OK with not knowing exactly how it will play out, so this makes them more open, and the other person can feel the difference.

Instead of jumping into specifics, the master persuaders start out conceptually.  Instead of laying out flight times, they’re more likely to say, “I’d like to spend time together doing something fabulous.” 

Then they listen to the other person’s perspective, knowing that they may need to adapt and change their plans accordingly.

Master persuaders are comfortable with uncertainty, because they know being open to unknown information makes the other person feel heard, and more likely to engage.

Acknowledging and appreciating uncertainty doesn’t make you less powerful.  It makes you more powerful. 

Have you ever been infuriated by someone’s Facebook post?

You’re not alone. 

One minute you’re mindlessly trolling pictures of your high school girlfriend’s nephew’s graduation, the next minute, someone’s political post makes your head spin.

How could they possibly be so misinformed?

Wrong question.

The right question is, Why did I let this person into my head in the first place?

This lesson comes courtesy of my daughter’s college professor who told the class, “When you friend someone on Facebook, you are giving them permission to affect the way you think.”

He said, “Every time you say yes to someone, you are saying I trust you enough to be intelligent enough and to be resourceful enough to come into my thoughts multiple times a day.”

Wow.

And with stunning clarity the professor summed up hours and hours of wasted human energy spent responding and reacting to people that we don’t like, or even know very well.

The people who surround you (electronically or in real live life) affect your thoughts and moods. Their comments, opinions and rants occupy your brain space whether you realize it or not.  

You’ve likely heard truisms like, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” or “don’t take thing personally.”

But let’s be honest, it takes a lot of mental energy to keep people out of your brain.

The better decision is not to let them into your orbit in the first place. 

It’s odd. We pay attention to the most mundane details about our life, but we’re often unconscious about the people whose attitudes and opinions surround us each day.

And, it’s not just Facebook where we unconsciously let “friends” into our brains without thinking; it’s life.

When we take a job, we analyze the pay, the responsibilities, the advancement opportunities, and even the commute. But how many people inquire about the office culture? When we’re looking for a house, we calculate the square footage and critique  the bathroom wallpaper, but how many people meet the prospective neighbors?

The truth is, we have a choice about the people who surround us. (I know; you can’t choose family. See my past columns on patience, tolerance and heavy drinking.)

But when it comes to the second tier people, the Facebook friends, the neighbors we sit beside at the pool and the colleagues we go to lunch with, we make daily choices that affect our well-being. 

After hearing her college professor’s sage comments, my daughter headed back to her dorm room and ruthlessly cut 500 people out of her mental orbit by unfriending them.

Her criteria, “If you’re not doing anything positive, you’re gone.”

Thankfully, I made the cut.

To be honest, I’m impressed with her resolve. She said, “I’m really going to start thinking about who I surround myself with because it affects everything.”

Whatever else she’s learning at college, this lesson alone is invaluable.

Your mood, productivity, opinions and ambition are affected by the people you let into your life, and your head.

I find myself thinking about her professor’s words again and again. When you say yes to someone – be it on Facebook or any other social overture – you’re trusting that person to be intelligent enough and resourceful enough to enter your brain.

Wow again. 

It’s your head; it’s your choice. Choose wisely. 

Do you have a brand?

The answer is yes. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what you do for a living, you have a brand.

Your brand is your reputation and it affects almost every aspect of your life.

Branding expert Dorie Clark says, “Everyone has a personal brand, whether some

Dorie Clark Branding Expert and Marketing Strategy Consultant

skeptics want to admit it or not: there’s no opting out.”

What do people think about you? What do they say when you leave the room?  That’s your brand.

Some believe that doing good work alone should be enough. But it’s not. How people perceive you – the total YOU, your personality and behaviors, not just your skills and job performance – is your brand and it affects the way people respond to you.

Clark says, “People probably have one or two impressions, and that is how they perceive you. You might get lucky and they’ll be good. Or they may be erroneous. If you’re not taking steps to ensure it’s the right impression, you’re throwing the dice with your profession life.”

Clark, whose clients include Fidelity, Google and Yale University, says, “What people often misunderstand about personal branding is that sometimes people feel it means being inauthentic. But there are ways to be yourself and still make sure that others are aware of your best qualities.”

In her new book, Reinventing You: Define Your Brand, Imagine Your Future, Clark writes, “It’s not about ‘foghorning’ your way into other people’s consciousness, and telling them how great you are. Instead it’s about taking control of your life and living strategically.”

We’ve all seen – or worse, been – the middle-aged exec who is suddenly let go from their job and has no idea who they are or what value they offer the world other than what they used to do for their former employer.

Reinvention is essential if you want to stay relevant over the long arc of a career.

In Reinventing You (Published by Harvard Business Review Press, April 9, 2013) Clark writes, “To succeed in today’s competitive job market and build a career that leverages your unique passions and talent, it’s almost certain that at some point you’ll need to reinvent yourself professionally – and ensure that others recognize the powerful contribution you can make.”

The first step is getting a handle on where you’re starting. Clark writes, “Understanding what people think about you and identifying any gaps between current reality and where you want to be in the future, is critical.”

Clark recommends a “Personal 360 Interview” to enhance your self-knowledge.  She

suggests conducting interviews or holding a focus group of trusted colleagues and friends to provide insight into how you are perceived. Questions like – If you didn’t already know what I do for a living, what would you guess? Or What are my blinds spots? – help you understand your current brand.

From there you can begin the reinvention process. Take in the feedback; decide what elements of your brand are working for you and what you want to work on. If that sounds like work, it’s because it is.

Reinventing You provides tips and tools to “leverage your points of difference, build your narrative and prove your worth.” Clark, CEO of Clark Strategic Communication, also provides articles and videos on www.DorieClark.com

But at the end of the day, it’s your brand. You can define your future, or you can leave it to chance. 

Ten years from now, what will you wish you had chosen? 

Do you worry about decisions that you don’t have to make yet?

I call them the decisions after the decision. Worrying about them will totally derail you.

A client of mine was interviewing for a big promotion. She was excited. On paper it looked like a great opportunity for her. But there were also some unknowns. The job might require a move, and she was concerned about the long-term future of the project team.

As I helped her prepare for the interview, I could hear the anxiety in her voice. What if she got the job and they asked her to move back to headquarters?  Should she do it or not?  What if the new president wasn’t supportive of the group? There was so much uncertainty, what should she do?

My advice?

Stop it.

She was so worried about what she would do if she got the job that she was decreasing her chances of making that happen.  All of that anxiety would be in the back of her mind during the interview, and it would likely have a chilling effect on her performance.

My college-age daughter did exactly the same thing recently. She was interviewing for summer internships and was stressing out about which one she’d choose if she got offered more than one.

I gave her the same advice I gave my client. Stop it. 

I told her, if you get more than one offer, then you’ll have to make a decision.  But that hasn’t happened yet, so for now, go for it.  Walk into every interview and give it your all. Act like this is the job you want more than anything, because the reality is, if you don’t get any other offers, it will be the job you want more than anything.

You don’t have to decide until it’s time to decide. 

Worrying about decisions you don’t have to make yet creates an anxiety-producing talk track in your head.  It impedes your performance because it distracts you from being fully present and it has a chilling effect on others.

Imagine going on a first date with someone who spends the entire evening wondering if you’re “the one?”

Actually you don’t have to imagine it.  Watch an episode of The Bachelor. Almost every woman on the show acts like a total nut case, constantly assessing how the future might play out from the moment she meets the guy.

It’s human nature to want to settle unknowns.  Our minds aren’t comfortable with uncertainty, so we try to make sense of it by playing out all the possible scenarios.

Yet while we often disguise this activity as “planning,” in reality it’s an attempt to control panic.

We’re desperate for the one right answer.  The one that will assure us of the right job, the right mate, the right house, and that everything will be settled once and for all.

Too bad life doesn’t work that way.  Nothing is ever settled, at least not permanently.

Life is not a SAT test. There’s no one right answer.  There’s no perfect score.

Trying to decide too early doesn’t propel you forward, it holds you back.  Next time you’re facing an uncertain situation, instead of flashing forward two steps, stay in the present.  That’s where the best decisions are always made. 

Life is not safe.  You can’t protect yourself from heartbreak. No matter how hard you try. If you love, you’re at risk for loss.

Gut-wrenching, god-awful, soul-searing loss.

Within the last week two separate friends lost their daughters. The two women don’t know each other; the deaths weren’t connected. One mother lost her twenty-something daughter after a heroic 2-year battle with leukemia. The other mother was woken in the night by police pounding on her door bearing the message that her thirty-year-old daughter had died in her sleep. The young woman had a blood disorder, but it was being treated. Her death was a complete surprise.

Just like that, one week two beautiful women are alive. The next week, they’re dead. And the people who loved them have a hole in their heart forever.

Here’s the worst part, this happens every single day.

Every day, thousands of people die. War, starvation, murder, disease, accidents, we know this. Yet somehow we walk around pretending that we actually have control over our domain, that we can protect ourselves from hurt.

Then someone close dies, and all the illusion is stripped away.

It’s like being belted in the gut by a two-by-four.  It’s the god-awful reality of love:  You’re never safe.

If there is a person, or people, that you love out there in the world, walking around, driving a car, exposing themselves to germs, or even just aging, you are not safe.

A knock at the door, a mutated cell, and suddenly you’re the one being hit by the two-by- four.

You don’t even entertain this horrific possibility in the early stages of love. Your new baby, partner, or friend fills you with happiness. 

The horrendous reality doesn’t hit you until you’re already too far gone.

It’s only when you are already deeply emotionally attached that you realize, by daring to love, you are risking unbearable loss.

The searing reality of it is enough to make you double over.

What does one do with this information?

How do you live your life knowing that you are one door knock away from having your heart ripped out of your body?

There are basically three choices:

1. You can limit your love.

Living a small life protecting your heart every chance you get.

2. You can worry.

Holding your breath every time they leave the house, searching Web MD at every symptom, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

3. You can throw caution to the wind and love deeply.

You can fearlessly open your heart, live in the moment and shower the people you care about with every bit of love and passion you possess.

It’s risky for sure. You could be hurt. In fact, if you dare to love deeply, it’s highly probable that at some point you will be hurt deeply. 

There is no way around it because the other two choices don’t really work. Limiting love limits happiness. You’re not really protecting your heart; you’re punishing it. 

As for worrying, it doesn’t keep your beloved safer. It just prevents you from fully enjoying them.

So that’s what we’re left with, the risk of love.

It’s sad, it’s ugly, and it’s worth it. 

Take the risk, choose love. 

I make sure that doesn’t happen to my clients.

I just delivered two programs as the Health Industry Distributors Association Executive Conference.

• Leading with Noble Purpose  –  A workshop for senior leaders
  Attendees can view the slides HERE:
  Leading with Noble Purpose – HIDA March 12, 2013

• The Future of Value-Added Sales - A keynote followed by  a panel discussion with industry sales leaders including:
  -  Gina Marchese – Sr. VP of Sales & Marketing, MMS
  -  Ellenmary Martin – VP of Sales & marketing, Dukal Corporation
  -  Dick Moorman, VP of Sales, MidMark
  -  John Vernansco, VP of Sales, Fisher Healthcare

Read the WHITE PAPER:
How Overemphasizing Profit Erodes Your Bottom Line 

 

For more complimentary Sales Leadership videos, CLICK HERE .  I encourage you to share these with your team.

People often ask me how I can work from home. They say, “I’d be so distracted. I would have a hard time not watching TV or doing the laundry.”

All I can say is, you must not like your job. I have the opposite problem. I work until all hours of the night, holed up in my home office when any sane person would have long gone home.

Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer ignited a media firestorm when she announced that Yahoo employees could no longer work from home.

The work/life balance advocates were outraged accusing Mayer of taking a step backward by revoking flexible work arrangements. Academics cited research about how working together side by side with colleagues boosts creativity and morale.

I think we’re side-stepping. If we want to have a meaningful debate about work, life, family, and productivity, we need to be honest.

Here are five uncomfortable truths we need to face:

1. Some people are slackers.

We’re supposed to pretend that with the right leadership and enough autonomy people will rise to the occasion and become star performers. But this is not true.

Some people just don’t want to work. They will watch TV or play Angry Birds every chance they get. That’s why they need an office.

2. Peer pressure (and presence) improves performance.

Imagine doing a spinning class alone in front of a home video. Now imagine doing it with an instructor surrounded by your peers. Where would you work harder? If your treadmill is functioning as an expensive clothes hanger, you know the perils of trying to go it alone.

Peers prompt you to up your game and provide a model for what good looks like.

3.Working from home can make you more frazzled, not less.

The work from home fantasy is your smiling kids drifting in while you work at your neat orderly desk. The reality is, you ignore your kids while you do conference calls, you eat lunch at your desk and your family steals your office supplies. Working from home doesn’t always allow better “balance.” You’re often only halfway present for everything. If you have a family, you feel constantly pressured by both jobs, because they both reside in the same building.

4. If you work 80 hours a week, you can’t do much else.

I know we’re supposed to be able to have it all, but let’s get real. If you want to be an engaged parent (or spouse, or pet owner, or gardener for that matter) you can’t work killer hours week in and week out. Working from home does not make a demanding job any less demanding, it just enables you to do it while your kids watch TV in the other room. 

5.You can’t create a culture if no one is there.

Mike Alvear, a consultant and author who has worked at home for a decade, says, 

Mike Alvear

“It’s extremely difficult to stay connected to people when you only have email and phone. Any company that wants to scale its culture can’t do that if everyone is at home.”

I’ve worked on the Apple campus. It’s exciting because of the collective energy of the people who are there.

I’ve both loved and loathed working from home. Working from home is neither the problem, nor the solution. Creating great work and creating a great family require the same things: time, space and working together.   

A family friend who worked at the White House said that one of the biggest challenges is deciding what to tell and what not to tell the President.

There aren’t enough hours in the day to brief the boss on everything. You have to figure out what’s important and what’s not. Get it wrong and you may have a war on your hands.

Thankfully for most of us, the stakes aren’t quite as high. But good boss management is still a crucial part of anyone’s job.  My father once said, “It doesn’t matter where you work, your job is to make your boss successful.”

Here are four tips for good boss management:

1.  Don’t tell your boss everything.

A boss may not be the leader of the free world, but they still have a lot on their plate. Just because you can cc her on everything doesn’t mean that you should. Before you share information with your boss ask: 

-      Will his or her help significantly improve this?

The operative word here is significantly, if the boss’s input only adds a 10% improvement to a non-critical issue, their time is better spent elsewhere.

-      Is this information that would help my boss in other areas?

If you had a big win or a big problem, share the information with an eye to helping your boss leverage the information in his or her other areas of responsibilities.

-      Will my boss get blindsided by this later? 

If you know about a situation that may blow up later, keep your boss in the loop so that he or she doesn’t have a big surprise later.

2. Talk about the future not just the past.

Managers tell you what happened in the past. Leaders tell you what it means for the future.

A client of mine was preparing to share the details of a big win with his CEO. After a coaching session, we took it to the next level. Not only did he describe the win, he also outlined how they could duplicate it in other markets. The same strategy applies to problems, don’t just tell the boss what happened, tell him what it means for the organization.

3. Provide context before details.

Your boss is dealing with a million issues. Your area of responsibility is just one of them. Don’t assume your boss knows, or remembers the specifics.  Before you launch into your subject, provide some context. For example, “Last week we talked about the issues with X, as you recall the main challenge was Y.  I’ve got an update for you.”

4. Present plans, not problems. 

Dumping problems on the boss’s desk is the fast track to a demotion. It dooms you to mediocrity, because it lets the boss know, that you’re reactive instead of proactive. You don’t have to figure everything out, but before you present your boss with a problem, brainstorm a few potential solutions so you can give him or her some options.

This technique works in personal situations as well. One of the things I love about my husband is that when he discovers a problem, he thinks about how we might solve it, before he shares it.

It reaffirms that he’s on my side. 

The boss wants what we all want: support, respect and someone to say,  ”I’ve got your back buddy.” 

It starts with a great idea. It’s exciting at the beginning. But then, as you try to implement it, your efforts aren’t greeted with enthusiasm. Instead you encounter apathy, resistance, and derision.

Thus begins the long slow slog of getting things done.

It doesn’t matter whether you work in corporate America or you’re trying to organize a neighborhood event, if the implementation involves other people, it’s going to be rocky.

There’s an inverse relationship: small ideas with few players, and thus small payoffs, can be implemented quickly and completely. You get to check the box fast; we did it, job well done.

However, big ideas with big potential payoffs, usually involve lots of players and moving parts. You almost never get to check the box, because you never feel as though you’ve fully accomplished the objectives.

David Whyte

Author David Whyte writes,

“Like water flowing from an underground spring, human creativity is the wellspring greening the desert of toil and effort and much of what stifles us in the workplace is the immense unconscious effort on the part of individuals and organizations alike to damn its flow.”

Sound familiar?

Here are two big reasons why other people make it hard to get things done, and how you can overcome them:

1. People gravitate towards checklists over concepts.

Several years ago I was the President of my church’s board of directors. One of my goals was to create a more welcoming environment for visitors. I provided some examples, the greeter could offer to take visitors on a tour, or inquire about how they found us.

We agreed. It was handed off to a committee. Two months later, I watched as a greeter tersely told a visitor, “It’s my job to take you on a tour and find out why you’re here,” whereupon she began dragging him around the building and firing questions at him.

The true purpose - make visitors feel welcome – had been replaced by a rigid checklist that had the opposite effect.

Somewhere between the original board meeting, the committee meeting and the greeter training, the conceptual purposeful element had been lost.

Solution: Keep the original purpose alive by stating it and writing it down – If I had to do it over again, I would have said very plainly – Please keep in mind, our purpose is to make visitors feel welcome. I would have put it at the top of every email, and I would have asked every greeter, what can you do to make people feel welcome?

2. People want to 100% when 80% is good enough.

A sales team I work with wanted to establish protocols to improve customer responsiveness. They created six quick solutions for scenarios that represented 80% of customer requests. Yet at every meeting people said, “But what about this?”  “What about that?” bringing up much less likely scenarios in their attempt to cover everything.

The end result was a huge binder of scenarios that took three months to complete, and is rarely used because it is so complex.

Focus: Imperfect forward progress is better than waiting for perfection.

Steve Jobs once said, “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.”

It’s easier to do small stuff by yourself, but to get the big wins you have to work with other people.

Does Hating Rich People Make You Broke?  

Quick, if you saw a Rolls Royce on the side of the road and a guy in a suit standing next to it staring at his flat tire, what pops into your head?

If you find yourself laughing at a rich guy having to suffer, you may be suffering from what prosperity expert Randy Gage refers to as a subconscious meme, an unconscious belief that is likely sabotaging your success.

In his book, Why You’re Dumb, Sick and Broke and How to Get Smart, Healthy and Rich, Gage asserts that many of us have prejudices about wealth and false beliefs about success that are holding us back.

Do any of these sound familiar?

• Money is bad.
• Rich people are evil.
• It is spiritual or noble to be poor.
• Underdogs and the little guys are good, big entities are bad.
• You have to sell your soul to get rich.
• Rich people have lots of money, but they also have many additional problems. Being rich isn’t worth it.
• Money causes good people to go bad.

Gage’s in-your-face style challenges the unconscious programming that many of us have absorbed without even realizing it.

Gage writes, “Suppose you’re eight years old and your family drives by a mansion. You’re impressed and say something about it. Your mother tells you that people who live in big houses like that aren’t happy. The odds are quite good that you will be infected with the “Money doesn’t buy happiness,” mind virus without even knowing it. It stays on your hard drive the rest of your life, but you don’t even know when the program was installed.”

Pop culture also plays a role. Gage says, Titanic, The Beverly Hillbillies and even Gilligan’s Island all fed into the – rich people are bad – mind virus.

I didn’t think I had a bias against the rich. I always assumed I aspired to be one of them.

Randy Gage

But Gage’s book reawakened memories. Like my mom insinuating that when our dentist neighbor paid off his student loans and moved his family to the “fancy” side of town, they were no longer “like us.” 

They cared about materialistic things like house, cars and furniture, whereas we, the humble, noble middle class, still had our solid values.

Gage says that even you may be working hard to achieve success, but if your subconscious is programmed with limiting beliefs – like it’s noble to be poor – you’ll sabotage yourself.

If you believe rich people are evil, how likely is it that you will become one?

Digging through my own subconscious, I find that I do have a positive mental image of a noble benevolent businessman who contributes to the community, but I don’t have any similar imagery for a successful woman. Wealthy women are usually personified as social climbing shrews, gold diggers, or ruthless businesswomen, ala Cruella de’ Ville or The Devil Wears Prada. 

Maybe that’s why whenever I meet a teacher or social worker I’m always a little bit embarrassed to say I’m a businesswoman.

If you think you might be suffering from a similar self-sabotaging mind virus, here’s how Gage recommends you get over it: Find your limiting beliefs, blow them up, then replace them.

So I’m replacing Cruella de’ Ville, with a kind, uber successful millionaire who is a loving mother that funds her grandkids college and takes the whole family on cultural vacations.

And if I see a broken down Rolls Royce, I’m extending the same kindness I would to a mom in her minivan.

What is the Poison Person Costing You?

Every organization has a poison person; some organizations have lots of poison people.

They’re the people who suck the energy out of projects, complain about routine events and whine about the slightest inconvenience.

For example, I once worked in an office where our boss’ admin was so negative that people often neglected to give the boss important information simply because they didn’t want to deal with her.

Poison people don’t just swallow their poison, they spread it, and it has a choking effect on everyone.

A 2001 study from Case Western University revealed, “Bad emotions, bad parents, and bad feedback have more impact than good ones, and bad information is processed more thoroughly than good.”

Workplace studies have documented that it takes five positive comments to outweigh one negative comment.

People are more likely to remember a surly comment from a poison person than they are to remember positive comments from their boss, colleague, or someone they care about.

Organizations often underestimate the power of poison people.  They keep them around because of their perceived skills or knowledge. 

I frequently hear leaders say, as my former boss did, “So and so is negative, but they’re good at their job.”

Now that I know better, I can see that my boss, and leaders like him are dead flat wrong.

Would my boss still believe that his poison admin was effective if he knew that her bad attitude was causing him to miss critical information?

I doubt it.

Part of the fault was his for not considering the implications of her bad attitude. But part of the fault was ours for not pointing it out.

A poison person’s negativity seeps into the whole group. Sometimes you don’t even realize what a big impact one person is having on an entire team.  

Here are three kinds of poison people that may be costing you more than you realize: 

Nitpickers: My husband once had a boss who beat people over the head with endless debates about font sizes. He wasn’t a magazine editor; their company sold light fixtures. The result was, by the time his people gave their presentations, they weren’t enthusiastic about their products, they were more worried about getting the type size right.

Subversives: They keep quiet during the meeting but their acid tongues start flapping the second they get anyone alone. They love to criticize in private and fill new people in on the office “history.” They never speak up publicly because then they would have to take responsibility for fixing things.

Eeyores: Their calling card is heavy sighs, beleaguered looks, and endless complaints. They’re always searching for someone who will finally listen to their tale of woe. Being around an Eeyore is Chinese water torture. You’re dying, but it’s one slow drip at a time.

You can’t banish the poison people to their own island, although it’s fun to imagine them sentenced to life with their own kind.

But you can keep them out of your organization, and your life.

If you’re a boss, don’t underestimate how much one person’s negativity can affect your entire team. No one is skilled enough to merit ruining the morale of a whole group.

If you’re dealing with a poison person, don’t engage.

And if you suspect you may be a poison person, get help.  You’re sucking the life out of us and that’s hardly how you want to be remembered.  

Dorie is a former presidential campaign spokeswoman, is a frequent contributor to the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and the American Management Association’s publications. She is also a columnist for Mint, India’s second-largest business newspaper. She is a consultant and speaker for clients including Google, Yale University, and the World Bank, and is an adjunct professor of business administration at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business.

How 2 Minutes of Power Posing 

Can Make You More Confident  

What goes through your mind before you walk into an important meeting?

If you’re like most people it’s a mixture of positive and negative self-talk along with rehearsing your key points.

This thought jumble – What if they don’t like me, What if I trip, No, I can do this, don’t forget to ask about x – gets you rattled and frantic at the very moment when you need to be calm and focused.

There are two techniques to help you quiet the clutter and become more powerful.

Before a high stakes interaction, go into the bathroom and spend two minutes in front of the mirror doing this:

1.  Tell yourself: “I have a right to be here!”

Barbara Corcoran

Real estate mogul Barbara Corcoran of Shark Tank fame confesses, “When I first started, the show, inside, I was frightened to death.  Corcoran struggled in school (in her book Shark Tales, she confesses to straight D’s.)  She carried those scars into her adult career and being “in the Shark Tank with powerful men” touched those old insecurities. 

Corcoran overcame her fear, by telling herself, “I have a right to be here.”  That mantra won her a seat on Shark Tank (she had to compete for it) and it helped her hold her own until she got comfortable.

Telling yourself, “I have a right to be here,” diffuses the imposter syndrome, the “I’m out of my league” feeling that we’ve all experienced in high stakes situations. 

2. Power pose

Harvard social psychologist Amy Cuddy has documented how positive and negative body language shapes your self-perception and your hormone levels.

In Cuddy’s experiment, done in collaboration with Dana Carney at Berkeley, one group spent two minutes doing low power poses – head down, shoulders sunk, eyes averted, looking small.  The other group did high power poses – hands on hips, chest lifted, staring boldly out at the horizon ala Wonder Woman.

Then they took a saliva sample.  The high power posers showed a 20% increase in testosterone (the dominance hormone) and a 25% decrease in cortisol (the stress hormone).  The low power posers saw a 10% decline in testosterone and a 15% increase in cortisol. 

Cuddy says, “These 2 minute changes (in body stance) lead to hormonal changes that can configure your brain to be either assertive, confident and comfortable, or really stress reactive and feeling shut down.”

In her moving backstory Cuddy (watch her Ted talk)

Amy Cuddy: Your body  language shapes who you are

describes how as a young student her identity was wrapped up in “being smart.” But a serious car accident at 19 damaged her brain and her IQ dropped by two standard deviations.

Afterwards, she struggled in school feeling like a powerless imposter, until, on the verge of quitting, an angel advisor told her, “You are not quitting. You are going to fake it. You are going to do it and do it and do it, until you have this moment where you say I am really doing it.”

Cuddy faked it well enough to wind up teaching at Harvard where years later she encountered a struggling student who confessed, “I feel like I don’t belong here.”

In that moment Cuddy realized she actually had forgotten about faking it, she belonged.

Her advice to the student, “Don’t fake it ’til you make it, fake it ’til you become it.”

Next time you’re nervous, spend two minutes power posing in the bathroom and remind yourself, you deserve to be here. 

Three Big Things I Realized
While Chewing on Smog in Beijing  

There’s nothing like trying to use a foreign toilet to make you realize just how spoiled you are.

Dispatch from China: My oldest daughter and I have hiked the Great Wall, braved the smog of Beijing, walked the ice at the Summer Palace, and stood beneath Chairman Mao’s massive portrait in Tiananmen Square.

Going abroad has, once again, reaffirmed just how much I love my own country, and also how much I enjoy, and can learn, from the rest of the world.  

Here are three things traveling abroad brought into sharper focus for me:

1. Things have to get worse before people are motivated to make them better.

The day we toured Beijing the smog hit a record high. It hung in the air like fog, with little particles that hit your throat and lungs like soot.

As odd as it sounds, coughing in the polluted fog surrounded by Chinese citizens wearing facemasks actually made me optimistic about our environment. Big changes don’t happen because one government tries to get another government to alter their policies. Sweeping change happens when the rank and file get so frustrated with their circumstances that they demand action. (Suffrage, Civil Rights, etc.)

Watching Chinese parents trying to keep their kids’ mouths covered, I realized we’re not as far away from solving our environmental problems as we think. I don’t claim to have the answers, but when enough people experience problems in the present it escalates the urgency in a way that predicting future problems does not. When the masses are motivated, change happens very fast. I predict we’ll see worldwide, wide-scale environmental changes (for the good) in the next five years.

2.   People are not equal, nor do they want to be.

The utopia land where everyone does their share for the state and is happy to be of equal status to their neighbor does not exist. People in communist China are constantly looking for ways to improve their status. They pay teachers on the side to give their children extra attention to improve their test scores so they can get into better universities. They hawk merchandise to tourists in the alley behind the government store to make extra money.

Humans are competitive, status-seeking creatures, and that’s not a bad thing. Trying to be “better” than your neighbor, or coworker is motivating. Competing with people doesn’t mean you have disdain for them, or that you wish them hardship. It just means that you want to be the best. We reward it in athletics; trying to deny it in other aspects of life is just ludicrous.

3.  Capitalism is a force for good.

The current narrative, in the U.S. and elsewhere, is that businesspeople are vultures who extract profits at the expense of the social good.

I’ve had my own conflicting emotions about business. I’m disdainful of greed, yet I love helping my clients help their clients. But seeing people in what was recently a third world country construct shelves on their stoop to turn their two-room shack into a shop has reaffirmed for me that business is noble.

Selling things that people need and making a profit that enables you to provide for your family is a noble and fine endeavor. It improves life for everyone, the sellers and the buyers. 

The other truism my time in China has reaffirmed for me, is that people are fabulous. They invent, they create, they sell, and they love. These are things that always make me happy to be human. 

If you’re like most, you probably think pushy, aggressive, and sleazy.

Best-selling author Daniel Pink conducted a survey to find out what

Dan Pink

people thought of sales and selling. Pushy and yucky were at the top of the list, along with difficult, slimy and annoying.

To put it into perspective, the only group that ranks below members of Congress is car salesmen.

Imagine Pink’s surprise when he assessed his own time and he found that he was, well, I’ll let him tell you. . .

“I opened my laptop, clicked on the carefully synched, color-coded calendar and attempted to reconstruct what I’d actually done over the previous two weeks. I catalogued the meetings attended, trips made, meals eaten, and conference calls endured. I tried to list everything I’d read and watched, as well as the face-to-face conversations I’d had with family, friends and colleagues. Then I inspected two weeks of digital entrails – 722 sent emails, four blog posts, eighty-six tweets, about a dozen text messages.

When I stepped back to assess this welter of information – a pointillist portrait of what I do and therefore, in some sense, who I am – the picture that stared back was a surprise. I am a salesman.”

Thus begins the Introduction of To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth about Moving Others.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics one in nine Americans works in sales. That’s more than fifteen million people earning their keep by persuading someone to make a purchase.

Daniel Pink digs even deeper to reveal a more startling truth: one in nine Americans works in sales. But so do the other eight.

He writes, “Whether we’re employees pitching colleagues on a new idea, entrepreneurs enticing funders to invest or parents and teachers cajoling children to study, we spend our days trying to move others.”

“Like it or not,” says Pink, “We’re all in sales now.”

And the angels sang!

Or at least my angels did.  I’ve spent my entire career in sales and I have never understood why a few overly-aggressive, poorly trained outliers on a car lot have been allowed to besmirch what I believe to be a noble profession – Sales.

In To Sell is Human Pink reveals three truths those of us in sales have long known:

1. Everyone is in sales.
2. Selling is not easy.
3. You can learn to “sell” without being icky, pushy, loud or arrogant.

Pink says that most people don’t think of themselves as “salespeople” because there’s a disconnect; people are surprised to discover how much of their time is spent trying to “move” others.

The other reason fueling the public’s disdain for sales says Pink is that, “We like to think of ourselves as a higher, more priestly class, not these money grubbing salespeople.”

“There’s a bias,” he says, “that sales is not intellectual.”

Pink says, “Most people have no idea what salespeople do. They don’t understand the skill and intellectual acuity it takes to be a good salesperson.”

The sales angels are shouting hallelujah! Persuading and moving others isn’t just the driver of business, it’s the lynchpin of progress.

After I thanked him for validating my entire profession, I asked Daniel Pink what his hopes were. He said, “I believe that if people learn how to persuade and influence ethically and more effectively that it will improve the world.”

Amen. Sell it brother.

Maybe.  And what’s worse, you might not even be aware of it.

Image expert Janice Hurley-Trailor says “ Many people have no idea how sour or unhappy their facial expressions are until they see themselves in a photo or on video.”

I used to furrow my brow when I was concentrating. Then I saw myself do it on television and I realized that it made me look  angry.

I wonder how many people misinterpreted my facial expressions, thinking that I was annoyed when I was actually focused.

Hurley-Trailor, who does image workshops and works one-on-one with clients, says, “The disconnect comes when we stop noticing how others are reacting to us.”

She says, “Our energy and the way we hold ourselves has a huge impact on how others perceive us.  We might have developed some poor nervous habits or we might have stopped bothering to make good eye contact or practice good listening skills.

Like it or not looks matter.  Your image, wardrobe, facial expressions and body language all contribute to your personal presence.

We’ve all heard a teacher or parent say, “It’s what’s inside that counts.”  That may be true from a spiritual perspective, but it doesn’t apply to the job market, or dating, or consulting, or any other situation where people are making decisions about who gets which opportunities.

Janice Hurley-Trailor
The Image Expert

Hurley-Trailor, known as The Image Expert says, “The attitude of  ‘people are going to judge me on the quality of my work’ is an easy mistake to make when you’ve held great pride in your academic or professional success.  But if you’re in a career that involves others giving you opportunities or taking them away, you have to think about the way you present yourself.”

Hurley-Trailor cites a Yale University study (view video commentary on www.JaniceHurleyTrailor.com) that determined the top 2 common denominators for successful people.  It wasn’t IQ or education. Instead, the top 2 qualities needed to ensure success were:

1) The ability to accurately see how others perceive you

2) The ability to move or motivate others forward to where you want them to go.

In a competitive job market, the right image can help you get a job and protect you from losing one.

Hurley-Trailor cites a client, an attorney employed with a large law firm that had laid off 85 people.  He was a Notre Dame grad, bilingual and had gotten good feedback over the last 2 years, but he was still concerned he might be the next casualty.  So he took more seriously remarks about his “casual Friday” attire and his habit of only wearing a suit when he was going to court.

Hurley-Trailor says, “At only 5 feet 6 inches in height, he was lacking in natural strength and presence  – so he spent some time with me and really stepped it up.”

The response was so positive once he started dressing more professionally on a consistent basis, he not only kept his job but it gave him the confidence to apply for a position with the Justice Department which had been a lifelong dream.  He got the job.

Hurley-Trailor says, “It’s not self-absorbed or narcissistic to take the time to understand how you are perceived.  When you get good at it, you can forget about it.  You don’t have that voice in your head wondering if you look right.  It actually allows you to spend more time focusing on someone else.”

Humans are visual; we can ignore it, or adjust accordingly.

We had a great day in Nashville at Financial Peace Plaza, Dave Ramsey’s world headquarters.  I was thrilled to be interviewed by for Dave Ramsey’s EntreLeadership podcast. Read the INTERVIEW, listen to the PODCAST. I’m a big fan of Dave Ramsey, so it was way cool to be in their studios.

800ceoread reports that Selling with Noble Purpose: How to Drive Revenue and Do Work That Makes You Proud is the No. 2 best selling business book for December 2012!  Special thanks to our clients Sunovion,  Graham-White, Intel, getAbstract, CMIT and others who purchased copies for every member of their sales force.

Maybe you know someone like this. They question the motives, quality and price of everything. When they need to buy something, they spend hours trying to figure out the exact right time to buy and the right place to buy from. They study warranties with a microscope, fearful that some hidden clause will cause them pain and suffering.

But in many cases, it goes beyond spending money.

At a fundamental level, people like this don’t trust other people.  So they not only spend hours researching every single purchase, they also spend a lot of time second-guessing people and worrying about who may be trying to do them wrong.

Given the chance, they’ll regale you with examples of how their diligent efforts at rooting out potential threats has kept the wolves at bay.

I confess, I fall into the other category of people, the kind that the untrusting people call naive. I believe that people mean what they
say, and my natural instinct is to always assume good intentions.

I don’t have to work at it. I think I was probably born with it.

Now here’s the part where I’m supposed to tell you, one of two things:

I can take the optimistic approach and tell you why trusting other people has served me well.  I enjoy the world.  I have good relationships with almost everyone, and I waste very little time trying to find the hidden clause in warranties.

Or, I can speak to you like a realist.  A realist is what pessimists prefer to call themselves because they concrete evidence that people really do lie, cheat and steal.

The truth is, the realists are right.

My trusting instincts have gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion.  I’ve lost money on business deals, and I’ve caused pain for myself and my family because I trusted the wrong person.

I admit it, I have a blind spot; I have a hard time spotting bad intent.

But viewing the world through a lens of mistrust creates problems as well.

When you walk around expecting people to treat you badly, they usually do. As my grandmother used to say, “People find what they’re looking for.”

Even if you don’t believe in karma, mistrusting people isn’t pragmatic. People who don’t trust people waste tons of time and energy second-guessing everything!

So how do you solve the trust quagmire? Do you trust, or do you not trust?  As always, the solution is found in the nuance.

The truth is, people are both bad and good. Trusting people is a nicer, more joyful way to live your life, but if you trust the wrong person, it can result in disaster.

So here’s the rule I’ve made for myself: I’m going to continue with my trusting ways. But when the stakes are high – big emotions or big money, and I mean really big – I seek out a realist to help me see the potential downside.

The high stakes rule keeps me from making big mistakes, and my trusting nature helps me enjoy my life.

I’m sure I’ve overpaid for small items and loaned stuff to people that they’ll never return, but the pleasure I take in enjoying people without second-guessing them far outweighs any cost.

And I trust that the realists in my life will help me see the dark side when I have to.

If you think you know exactly what the future holds for you, you’re wrong.

The truth is, you don’t know what your work situation will be like in 2 years, or what your family situation will look like or even what kind of health you’ll be in.

Scary isn’t it?

If nothing else, the last few years have stripped away our illusions of certainty.

Companies are bought, sold and go under with little notice. Managers move in and out faster than flying tennis balls. And our personal lives are stitched together in a patchwork of fragile connections that can disintegrate in the face of death, disease or divorce.

Now for the good news: You can be productive, happy and successful today, even if you don’t know for sure what’s going to happen tomorrow.

During times of change, the people who get the most unraveled are the people who don’t know how to function without having every detail buttoned up.

Perhaps you know a few: The manager who can’t lead until they’re 100% certain of the strategic plan, the spouse who can’t make friends because they might be moving soon, the salesperson who can’t talk to customers until they know for sure about the merger.

It’s a bit of a paradox. The secret to staying focused (and happy) during times of change is to set clear goals, yet remain flexible about the specifics.

Here are five tips for staying focused on the face of uncertainty:

1. Make peace with ambiguity
Plans are never going to be fully complete. New information will be revealed, new people will come into the mix, things will move forward and then they’ll regress for a while. When you accept this as a given, you’re less likely to be thrown off course by it.

2. Stay true to your purpose
This is particularly important for leaders, i.e. everyone. Help your team, at home or work, stay focused by continually reminding yourselves of your larger purpose. Whether it’s raising future world leaders, helping your customers be more successful, or your guests enjoy themselves, staying true to your purpose helps you get clarity. It’s like a reset button for your brain. It keeps you focused and productive.

3. Make do with 80%
My Dad always says great leadership is the ability to make good decisions with incomplete information. You’re never going to know everything. Our forefathers founded a country on less than complete information. If you wait until you have all the information, you’ll never accomplish anything big.

4. Set goals without attachments
Goals are what you want to accomplish. Attachments are when you’re emotionally tied to having it play out a certain way. For example, your goal might be to grow your business by a certain amount, or run a successful church auction. Put that on your white board or day planner. But don’t be too attached to the details. Stay open to the idea that you may have to make adjustments along the way.

5. Leave space for the fabulous
You know that old expression sometimes God has a bigger plan for you than you had for yourself? Whether you’re spiritual or not, we’ve all experienced situations where the Universe sends you an unexpected gift. The future is always going to be unknown. That’s what makes it great, or at least interesting.

c) Lisa Earle McLeod
Lisa Earle McLeod is a sales leadership consultant. Companies like Apple, Kimberly-Clark and Pfizer hire her to help them create passionate, purpose-driven sales forces.

She the author of The Triangle of Truth, which the Washington Post named as a “Top Five Book for Leaders.”

She has appeared on The Today Show, and has been featured in Forbes, Fortune and The Wall Street Journal. She provides executive coaching sessions, strategy workshops, and keynote speeches.

More info: www.LisaEarleMcLeod.com
Lisa’s Blog – How Smart People Can Get Better At Everything

Copyright 2012 Lisa Earle McLeod. All rights reserved.

We know this, but yet we always want to find the one thing.

The one thing that made everything go wrong.  Or the one thing that will make everything go right.

The one thing the parent did wrong that made their kid turn to drugs.  Or the one thing the entrepreneur did to double their business.

The one thing that caused a person to lose the deal, get the deal, get sick, go bankrupt, get divorced, or go insane.

We want to know the one thing to do or not to do that will insure that everything turns out OK.

And when things aren’t OK, we want to find one thing to blame.

Because if one thing caused the problem, then one thing can fix it.

The only problem is: It’s never one thing.

All the things are connected.

My daughter was struggling in school.  She found many of her classes excruciatingly boring and excruciatingly difficult.  Not surprisingly, she was having trouble disciplining herself to study.

I offered suggestions, “Let’s set up a study system.”

“Let’s find some interesting You Tube videos on the subjects.”

“I can start quizzing you.”

“But you don’t understand, Mom” she said. “None of those things will fix it.”

To which I answered, “I do understand, you have a big problem and no single one of these things is going to ‘fix’ it.  In fact we may never completely solve this big problem. But if we can find 10 things that will each improve the situation by 1 or 2%, it will make a difference.”

When you do 10 things you not only get the benefit of each thing, you also get a compounding effect. Like a snowball picking up weight as it goes downhill.  Each flake gives the other flakes more energy and momentum.

It wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She wanted the one thing.  And the one thing should be one thing that wouldn’t cause her any pain, discomfort or extra effort.

But life doesn’t work that way.

If you want to solve a big problem you have to face reality and admit that it’s never just one thing.  It’s lots of things. You can’t just fix one thing; you have to fix all the things.

Grownups know this.

Sometimes we try to deny it, because one of the things that needs fixing is something that we should have fixed a long time ago, and we don’t want to admit that it might have contributed to the really big problem.

But let me be clear: Every minute that we waste trying to deny that our one pet thing is part of the problem, is a minute that we could be fixing that one thing, so that we could move onto the next thing so that all the things together could get us closer to solving the really big problem.

Every snowflake in the avalanche claims it’s not guilty.

But if your child is the one killed in the storm, you don’t care which thing was 1% and which thing was 2%.

You blame them all.  Because together they created a situation where you have to wake up every single day with a black, jagged hole in your soul where your beautiful child used to sit.

The people who say that their one thing didn’t contribute to the problem are probably the people who don’t have to deal with  a black, jagged child-shaped hole in their soul.

Do any of these ring familiar?

• You decide to spruce up your home because you want a relaxing inviting space for friends and family, but you wind up fighting over carpet colors.

• You jump into a project at work because you’re excited about improving life for your customers or company, but weeks later you wind up just going through the motions to get it done with little thought about the ultimate outcome.
• You plan a vacation to spend quality time with your loved ones, yet by the third day you find yourself snarling, “We’re going to have fun as a family whether you like it or not!”

We may start out with a noble purpose, but as the practicalities of life intrude we quickly descend into a to-do list mentality. All sense of meaning and purpose is lost as we struggle just to get it done.

We become so focused on how to do the task that we forget why we’re doing the task. Infusing the practical with a sense of noble purpose is a challenge for individuals and organizations alike.

But here’s the hidden secret: having a larger purpose and being practical about the process aren’t two distinctly different things. They’re intertwined.

They’re the two inter-related lynchpins of any satisfying and successful endeavor.

A sense of noble purpose is the emotional aspect that enables you to stay motivated in the face of challenges. Being practical about the process enables you to get enough of the tasks checked off to maintain forward momentum.

Problems arise when we over emphasize the tasks at the expense of the larger purpose.

For example, there’s not a parent or boss alive who hasn’t forgotten his or her best intentions.

As a parent, I have to continually remind myself that all the challenging, difficult and sometime boring moments of parenting are contributing to something bigger.

My husband and I continue to tell ourselves, “We’re raising the future president of the United States and her secretary of state.”

It may sound overreaching to some, but to us, it’s real. It doesn’t mean our daughters actually have to become the leaders of the free world. It simply means that we as parents need to behave as though they might.

That noble purpose helps us bring our A game to the more mundane as pects of parenting.  Why Noble Sales Purpose Improves Revenue and Morale

The same strategy applies at work. The more you can remind yourself of your larger purpose – whether it’s helping customers or helping your team grow – the more motivated you’ll be to improve the practical processes.

Purpose and process are self-reinforcing, but it’s not a chicken and egg issue. In this case, purpose really does come first.

Generally speaking, improving processes won’t improve your sense of purpose. But having a sense of noble purpose will help you improve your processes.

Said another way, when you remind yourself that it’s the future President of the United States that you’re driving to swim practice, you become more intentional about the conversations you have along the way.

When life and work get hard, it’s easy to lose your sense of purpose.

But your life, your work, and the interactions you have with the people around you matter.

Your life has a purpose, and it’s bigger than just your tasks. It’s about the love, joy and success you bring to others. Remind yourself of that the next time you’re having a hard day.

She continues: “A real leader doesn’t whine. A real leader says, ‘We are going to make a difference to our customers. We are going to find a solution.’”

My family was less than thrilled when I insisted on giving them my revised version of the sermon over lunch every Sunday, but an ineffective speaker, especially when he’s my preacher, makes me nuts.

He had a captive audience every Sunday, several hundred people who were looking to him for guidance, and Sunday after Sunday he blew it.  His sermons were boring, disorganized and poorly delivered.

I may be doomed to Hades for critiquing the preacher, but for me, a bad presentation is a sin.

But as they say, hate the sin; love the sinner.  So, with love, here are three main reasons most presentations are terrible and how to fix them:

1. Lack of preparation:

You know those speakers whose words just seem to flow like it’s all off the cuff?

They’re not naturally wonderful. The reason great speakers seem so comfortable is because they’ve spent hours, days and sometimes even months practicing.  People often claim that too much practice makes you memorized and scripted.  But that’s not true.

There are three levels of practice:

• No prep – This results in rambling and disorganization,
  you either use too many words or not enough, and they are rarely in a logical order.

• Average prep – You memorize your speech or bullet points so you can deliver the right words.
• Uber prep – You become so comfortable with the words, they flow naturally and you can focus on making an emotional connection with the audience.Two of the best performances of the last political season were Bill Clinton’s convention speech and Mitt Romney’s first debate performance.  Both men openly acknowledged that they spent countless hours practicing their content, again and again and again. That’s why they both seemed so natural onstage.

2. Too many details

I was coaching a client for a presentation at a big international conference where he was introducing his organization to their sister company executives.  His first instinct was to create a PowerPoint with the company history, product details and financial information.

While this would have been accurate, it wouldn’t have been memorable. Instead we focused on three key areas:  his company’s stability, their key differentiators, and their eagerness to go the extra mile for their customers, and we crafted a story for each bullet.

People are tempted to want to share everything, but the question you need to ask is: Does this sentence serve my central purpose (yes it is that micro, you need to look at every sentence). Facts and details are good, but too many of them cause people to tune out.

3. Presenter-focused vs. audience-focused

It’s not about sharing what you want to say, it’s about giving the audience what they need to hear.  Personal stories work, but only if they’re in service of helping the audience.

In the case of my boring preacher he talked endlessly about how we should all be doing social justice work with our “free time.” The problem was, he was a guy with no kids at home and two days off a week, and he was speaking to working parents who put in 60-hour work weeks, and were looking for guidance to keep themselves sane so they could wake up and do it again on Monday morning.

Bad presentations may be a sin, but if you use these tips, you’ll avoid temptation.

This is going to be your year. You’re going to get a raise, recoup your savings, build up your business.

But those dollar signs in your eyes could become your undoing. And even worse, if your boss is seeing similar dollar signs, it could become the undoing of your entire company.

Research reveals that when leaders overemphasize profit, it actually erodes employee morale and drives customers away.

The fatal mistake many leaders make is that when they talk to their employees, the conversation is primarily focused on money.  This is a big error because it tells employees, “We care more about profits and internal measurements than we do our customers.”

The same thing even happens in non-profits, for example, in education, when leaders spend more time talking about test scores (the internal measurement) than they do actual students.

One need look no further than the car-buying experience to see what happens when managers overemphasize money and metrics at the expense of helping actual customers.

Most people hate buying a car. It’s not because we don’t like cars; it’s because we don’t like the way we get treated by the salespeople.

Fatal mistake – If you treat your customers like a number, they’ll return the favor. 

Compare the car-buying experience to the Apple store, and it’s obvious why companies who focus on customers drive explosive sales.

If you and your organization want to capture your share of the growing economy, leaders must avoid the myopic money trap. The key is to shift the focus from profit to purpose.

Here are three techniques we use with our clients that have delivered big results:

1. Identify your purpose 

How does your business improve life for your customers?

If your employees believe that the sole purpose of your business is profit, they will be uninspired and unmotivated. They’ll also be more likely to jump ship or steal.  Exhibit A: Walmart.

But if your employees know that your noble purpose is to improve life for customers, they become more engaged.  They care more, they’re more creative, and they work harder.

2. Do a purpose pipeline plan

Identify 25 new opportunities you want to pursue. Write down their name, a volume target AND exactly how you are going to improve their life or business.  Make it a priority to call 5 of them a day. Before every phone call think: “I’m calling because I want to help you.”  Research shows that as much as 93% of a customer’s response is based on your tone and intent. Customers can tell the difference between someone who cares about them, and someone who only cares about closing the deal.

Focusing yourself and your team on making a difference to customers will actually increase your close rate. 

3. Share customer stories at every meeting 

Most meetings are a boring review of spreadsheets.  But when you share stories about how you made a difference to real live customers, it helps your employees connect your company goals to the people they serve.

One of our clients puts up pictures of their customers. It reminds the staff, these aren’t just phone calls, they’re real live people that we need to help.

It’s ironic, but the business research shows that when you overemphasize money, you make less of it. But when your noble purpose is to help customers, you drive more revenue.

(c) Lisa Earle McLeod

Lisa Earle McLeod is a sales leadership consultant. Companies like Apple, Kimberly-Clark and Pfizer hire her to help them create passionate, purpose-driven sales forces. 

She the author of several books including Selling with Noble Purpose: How to Drive Revenue and Do Work That Makes You Proud, a Wiley publication, released Nov. 15, 2012.  She has appeared on The Today Show, and has been featured in Forbes, Fortune and The Wall Street Journal.  She provides executive coaching sessions, strategy workshops, and keynote speeches.

More info: www.LisaEarleMcLeod.com  

Lisa’s Blog -How Smart People Can Get Better At Everything

Copyright 2012 Lisa Earle McLeod.  All rights reserved.

Kids are up front about their whining.  Adults, however, often try to crowbar whining into casual conversation.

Ask a colleague or neighbor how they’re doing and see how long it takes before the conversation degenerates to a whine.

Any of these sound familiar?

“Man, I’m working my buns off, my travel schedule is a killer.”

“Crazy busy, trying to keep up with the kids, pay bills and keep us afloat.”

I’d roll my own eyes if I hadn’t uttered these exact sentences many times myself.  So why do we seem so predisposed to whining?

Two reasons, one is valid and the other is not.

Valid reason: We crave connection 

Sharing your woes with another person makes you feel a little less alone in the world. We want other people to “feel our pain,” to share in our ups and downs, and to acknowledge our efforts.  This is not a bad thing.  When you’re feeling down, comforting words from someone who cares can be a soft safe place to land.

But unfortunately whining can become a habit.  Our natural desire for connection often leads us to false conclusions about how other people will respond when they hear our woes.

Invalid reason: We want to be admired

We (mistakenly) believe that if others truly understood how tough we have it, they’ll respect and admire us.  Sadly, it doesn’t work this way. Telling people how hard things are evokes pity and sympathy at best and boredom and disdain at worst.

For example, if someone starts to complain about their soo busy schedule and how tired they are, what goes through your mind?

Do you think, “Wow, I really admire this person?  Probably not, more likely you think:

“That sounds awful I’m glad I don’t have your life.”  Or, “You think you have a crazy schedule? Let me tell you mine.”

Whining is a race to the bottom that you don’t want to win.

So what’s the difference between sharing your troubles and flat out whining? Two factors to consider: your audience and their likely response.

For example, when CEOs publicly whine about market conditions or government regulations, it has a chilling effect on customers and employees. People may feel bad for the boss, but pity isn’t exactly a brand builder nor does it boost morale.

The same thing is true when we whine to acquaintances about our coworkers, boss or kids. People aren’t likely to respond in a way that’s helpful for us.  Whining to an inappropriate audience is basically saying, “Please feel sorry for me because I’m a victim with no power to influence my circumstances.”

If you want to keep other people from whining, the first step is to stop engaging in it yourself.  There’s a simple question to stop whining in its tracks:

So what are you going to do about it?

You can use it on yourself and others. It moves you out of whine mode and into problem-solving.

Whether it’s your kid complaining about a teacher, an employee whining about suppliers, or yourself venting about your spouse, give it a few minutes of supportive listening, then ask – What are you going to do about it?

Whining is like cheap wine, sweet on your lips, but if you indulge too often, you’ll never get anything done.

(c) Lisa Earle McLeod

Lisa Earle McLeod is a sales leadership consultant. Companies like Apple, Kimberly-Clark and Pfizer hire her to help them create passionate, purpose-driven sales forces. 

She the author of several books including Selling with Noble Purpose: How to Drive Revenue and Do Work That Makes You Proud, a Wiley publication, which was released Nov. 12, 2012.  She has appeared on The Today Show, and has been featured in Forbes, Fortune and The Wall Street Journal.  She provides executive coaching sessions, strategy workshops, and keynote speeches.

More info: www.LisaEarleMcLeod.com  

Lisa’s Blog -How Smart People Can Get Better At Everything

Copyright 2012 Lisa Earle McLeod.  All rights reserved.

I’m delighted and grateful to report that we just got some great coverage in Fast Company.  Read:  How P&G, Google and Southwest Learned to Sell With Noble Purpose. 

Sadly, the sentiment rings true in many professions.  If you’ve ever found yourself staring down the short end of a bad revenue report, or an impossible production schedule, or a month with more bills than money, you know what I mean.

Who hasn’t felt the cold clammy finger of dread? It starts in your gut and spreads like ice water through your veins, moving into your arms and legs. Your heart beats faster, your breathing becomes shallow, and you break out in a cold sweat.

I work with salespeople and executives. Despite their seemingly confident exterior personas, many of them live in constant fear.

Some organizations (and bosses) believe that fear is a good motivator. But this belief, like so many others we have about work, is misguided.

Fear works in the short term. It can kick-start someone into action, but it’s not a sustainable source of motivation. An employee motivated by fear will frantically fly around with lots of activity, but then one of two things happens: that person either flames out, or the activity propels him or her to some level of success. Then the fear subsides, and the rep goes back to doing what he or she always did, leaving you with mid-level performance at best.

For example, here’s a situation I frequently encounter in my work with sales organizations:

Imagine Joe, he’s a salesperson who is afraid of not making quota. His boss is all over him about the numbers.  When the boss goes with him on sales calls, what do you think Joe Salesperson is thinking about?  Is he thinking about how he can help the customer?  Probably not, more likely he’s thinking about his boss.  He’s wondering, “How does my boss think I’m doing?  Am I going to get fired?”

When you’re afraid of the boss, it messes with your internal talk track. Instead of being fully present for the situation you’re in, you have two talk tracks going at the same time. One is about what’s happening in the moment.  But the other talk track, the more dominant one, is worry and angst about the boss.

Which internal talk track do you think results in better performance?  Focusing on the situation in front of you, or worrying about the boss?

If you guessed focusing on the situation in front of you, you’re right.  My workplace research, along with several other studies, have demonstrated that fear has a chilling effect on performance, particularly for employees who interact with customers.

You don’t make good decisions when you’re afraid. You tend to focus on the short term, and you don’t come from a place of confidence.

A leader’s job is to take fear off the table.  The most effective way to quell fear is to infuse people with a common sense of purpose.

Whether it’s improving life customers, or making the world a better place for everyone, when people have a larger purpose than just trying to keep their jobs, they’re more focused, and more effective. They’re also more likely to act in a bold and courageous manner.

Instead of telling people they’re going to get fired if they don’t perform, it’s far more powerful (and effective) to tell them how much their performance matters to others.

Purpose — it trumps fear every time.

(c) Lisa Earle McLeod

Lisa Earle McLeod is a sales leadership consultant. Companies like Apple, Kimberly-Clark and Pfizer hire her to help them create passionate, purpose-driven sales forces. 

She the author of several books including Selling with Noble Purpose: How to Drive Revenue and Do Work That Makes You Proud, a Wiley publication, released Nov. 12, 2012.  She has appeared on The Today Show, and has been featured in Forbes, Fortune and The Wall Street Journal.  She provides executive coaching sessions, strategy workshops, and keynote speeches.

More info: www.LisaEarleMcLeod.com  

Lisa’s Blog -How Smart People Can Get Better At Everything

Copyright 2012 Lisa Earle McLeod.  All rights reserved.

It’s easy to think that humanity is going from bad to worse. But if you take a long view of human history, things are improving at a rapid rate.

Consider this, slavery existed for thousands of years. It’s only the last 150 years that the majority of the world decided it was not OK. To put this into perspective, when my Dad was born 76 years ago, there were still people alive who remembered the civil war, because it had only ended 74 years earlier! What undoubtedly felt like slow painful progress to the people who lived through that era, it was actually rapid, radical change.

Here are four more reasons why the world is lots better than it used to be:

1. We no longer believe the moon is made of cheese.

Now, thanks to science, we not only know what the moon is made of, we’ve walked the surface and have the photos to prove it. Things that were once scary and mysterious are now being studied and understood.

Three hundred and seventy-nine years ago Galileo got life in prison for trying to tell the people that the earth rotated around the sun. But now, after centuries of fear-based intellectual darkness, the tides have turned. People (well, OK, most people) are no longer afraid of the unknown; they’re inquisitive.

2. We don’t pay people to beat our kids.

School children were once expected to lay their palms out on their desk so their teacher could whack their knuckles with a wooden ruler. During my lifetime teachers belted kids for infractions like whispering in class. Can you imagine the reaction today if a teacher hit a kid?

One might argue that kids have lost respect for authority, but that’s a separate issue that does not require knuckle rapping to solve. The fact that we no longer sanction public beating of our children demonstrates our improved understanding of the human spirit. Children are now viewed through the lens of their potential rather than their submissiveness.

3. Your boss can’t chain you to a sewing machine.

You may feel chained to your desk, but your supervisor can’t keep you locked in a sweatshop for 18 hours until you finish your quota of blouses. If I were living in the 1920′s I would probably be sending my teenage daughters to work in a factory when they turned twelve instead of to space camp.

It’s hard to imagine Henry Ford putting his workers through a communication skills workshop. But now we actually train people and have regulations about working conditions.

4. We believe in love.

Not that long ago fathers didn’t tell their sons they loved them, bosses didn’t tell their teams they cared, and there was no such thing as a couples workshop. You may be frustrated with the lack of caring from the people around you, when you compare it to fifty years ago, we’re all a bunch of mush buckets. We believe in love. We talk about it, we expect it, we show it and we pursue it.

Humankind still has plenty of work to do. But when you look at the arc of human history, we’re definitely moving in the right direction. We invent, we create and we become kinder to each other, every single day.