Dr. McDentist makes middle-aged moms melt
By Lisa Earle McLeod www.forgetperfect.com
How do good-looking people find time to stay beautiful? What with schlepping my kids to the mall and surfing the Net for bargain handbags, I barely have time to shave my legs, much less make an appointment to get a facial.
But I have recently discovered a new concept in beautification that kills two birds with one stone. Or rather, I should say, addresses both my coffee-stained bicuspids and my raggedy cuticles, all at the same time. It’s the spa dentist, a new breed of cosmetic dentists who can painlessly fix the David Letterman-sized gap between your teeth while you relax with an aromatherapy neck pillow and a paraffin hand treatment.
But if you go to the spa dentist, be prepared. Everyone who works there looks like a movie star. Or at least they did at the office I went to. And the best looking one of them all was Mr. Smiles himself, Hugh Flax, DDS. Even his name sounds Hollywood. With his wavy black hair and twinkly smile, he’s dashing enough to make a middle-aged woman start praying for a gum lift.
Actually, I didn’t even know I had saggy gums until I met Dr. F. (www.FlaxDental.com.) But it turns out that, much like my other saggy parts (my rear, my breasts and the bags under my eyes), my drooping gums were detracting from my “natural beauty.” So I had them surgically altered, all the better to show off my gleaming white teeth, courtesy of a teeth-bleaching kit.
In addition to lifting my saggy gums, my dream dentist also bonded the space between my two front teeth and adjusted my bite. Who knew you weren’t supposed to be able to slurp spaghetti through your front teeth and that all your molars were actually supposed to meet when you bite down?
Technically, Dr. F. doesn’t refer to himself as a “spa dentist.” He’s a highly skilled cosmetic dentist who received his training and Accreditation through the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry (www.aacd.com). But I almost forgot that when I settled into the Tempurpedic chair to watch a movie and get “the works.” I would have paid more attention during the procedure, but “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was playing on Dr. Flax’s fancy flat-screen. The last time I watched a movie without someone interrupting me was when I went to see “Speed” two nights before I had my first child.
So with the team whittling away at my mouth, I opened wide and enjoyed the show. By the first wedding, I forgot I was at the dentist. By the second wedding, the “Treatment Concierge” had my hands submerged in the paraffin. By the third wedding, I was confusing Dr. Flax with Hugh Grant. And by the time the mourners gathered for the funeral, I was convinced that bimonthly appointments should be a mandatory component of my oral hygiene regime.
What with the anesthesia, the cozy blanket and the scented face towels, I found myself enjoying my dental experience more than I did my last bubble bath. So, in a quest to make the mundane more enticing for everyone, I’m issuing a call to all the other service providers to join Dr. F. in his two-for-one business model.
I can see it now. Auto mechanics will offer free highlights while you get your brake pads replaced. The plumber will travel with a masseuse. And Home Depot will offer tarot card readings while they assemble your grill.
As for me, my smile is now movie-star perfect, my hands are soft as a baby’s bottom and I’m eagerly awaiting my next visit to my own personal dental Dr. McDreamy.
Lisa Earle McLeod is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of “Forget Perfect” and “Finding Grace When You Can’t Even Find Clean Underwear.” Contact her or join her interactive blog at www.ForgetPerfect.com. .
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