The pressure may be subtle or it might be full-on war, but there’s not a person alive who hasn’t felt criticized by their in-laws.
Whether it’s your father-in-law suggesting that being a freelance designer isn’t a “real career” or your mother-in-law giving you lessons on the proper way to load the dishwasher, there’s just something about being judged that brings out the worst in us.
But in-law feuds – like so many other debates – are usually less about who’s doing it wrong, than they are about someone needing to prove that they’re doing it right.
Case in point. If the son’s wife decides that she’s going to work or stay home, and it’s different than what hubby’s mom did, poor mother-in-law often feels like she’s being slapped in the face.
It’s like every day when the wifey trots off to work, or stays home, she’s saying to her mother-in-law, “The way you raised your kids was wrong, and the fact that your son is supporting me in a different choice proves it.”
The daughter-in-law might not be saying, or even thinking that. But the mere fact that she’s doing it differently without someone calling her on the carpet for her obviously egregious behavior is enough to make a mother-in-law feel like her son is indicting her for poor parenting.
I’d laugh, but I’ve been on both sides of this one myself. And if I’m truly honest – in-law issues aside – there have been countless other times in my life where my own insecurities and my need to be right blinded me to another’s perspective.
Whether it’s the notion that there’s more than one way to be a proper parent, or the idea our chosen faith might not own the exclusive rights to the divine, we linear thinking humans often have a hard time assimilating multiple points of view.
Yet in many cases, the dichotomy we create in our minds is false.
In my new book The Triangle of Truth, I provide a new model for solving conflict and creating more peace. Instead of arguing opposing positions on either side of a straight line, or trying to compromise in the middle, The Triangle of Truth provides a way to reconcile two seemingly opposing points of view by creating a higher-level solution, at the top of the triangle, the pinnacle that’s supported by both sides.
For example: It’s not the big picture vs. day-to-day chores. Fabulous organizations and successful individuals operate on both planes at the same time.
It’s not the male perspective vs. the female perspective. Creating a civilized and productive world requires both.
And it’s not working vs. staying home, either. Because the truth is, good mothers do both. What’s at the top of the triangle is our love for our kids.
Because in our hearts, we humans all want the same thing. We want want to be love and be loved. And we want our kids to be happy and find their purpose on this planet.
And here’s another false dichotomy I’d like to dispel: The Universe has a big important plan plan for your life, and you’re also 100 percent in charge of your own destiny.
So do you really want to waste more time posturing and fighting? Or are you ready to acknowledge another’s truth and become a better human being.